Kumbaya Dads
In my post last week, I suggested that when you are doing things with your family, you focus your attention on them and turn your Blackberry off. There are two stories about fathers and sons that I believe illustrate the difference between how we interact with our children. My minister related the first story to our congregation a few years ago. It was about a day of fishing long ago.
Charles Francis Adams, the son of John Quincy Adams took his son, Brook fishing. Brook kept a journal and his entry for that day was: "Went fishing with my father--the most wonderful day of my life!" It turns out that Charles Francis Adams also kept a journal. His entry for the very same day was: "Went fishing with my son today--a day wasted." That entry might seem incredible today, but I do not think so. I remember Harry Chapin's wonderful song "The Cat is in the Cradle" and the lyrics:
My son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play"
"Can you teach me to throw?"
I said, "Not today, I got a lot to do"
He said, "That's ok"
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah"
"You know I'm gonna be like him"
I read recently about a Cornell University study that found the average father spends 38 seconds per day being totally attentive to his children's needs and about 20 minutes a day being partially attentive. The same children spend 54 hours per week watching television. I learned early in my career from my first senior lawyer mentor the importance of spending quality time with my daughter, Jill. She is 29 years old and I still spend quality time with her. She now enjoys "family game days." We play Trivial Pursuit, The Game of Life, Texas Hold 'em and a variety of Wii games. I am confident that most of us do not consider our time with our children wasted. But, if that is so, are we totally attentive when we are with them? I know I have been guilty of not being totally attentive. My daughter's story about me reading emails on my Blackberry and responding even made it into a Boston Globe article. http://www.boston.com/jobs/news/articles/2006/07/02/businesss_new_task_turning_off/
The second story is "Green and Clean" and I read it many years ago in Stephen Covey's book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People." Stephen Covey tells about giving his seven year old son responsibility for the yard work and making the yard "green and clean" and volunteers to be his son's helper. For several days, Stephen Covey looks at the yard and nothing has been done. Stephen Covey asked his son: "How's the yard coming?" The son replied: "Fine, Dad." After dinner Stephen Covey suggested they take a look at the yard. As they walked out in the yard his son began to sob and said: "It is so hard, Dad." Stephen Covey asked if there was anything he could do to help. That broke the ice. His son went in the house and got a bag for Stephen Covey to use to pick up garbage from a barbeque. According to Covey, his seven year old son only asked for help a couple of more times that summer and the yard was greener and cleaner than ever before. Do we have the patience to be our children's helper and teach them to take responsibility, or would we have just become upset with our child and taken over the task? You can read the entire story at :http://www.geocities.com/managementplaza/green-and-clean.html.
At the risk of giving this post too much of a Kumbaya touch, I also found an inspirational website for fathers at http://fathersmattermuch.com. Check it out Dads.
